Why do I need communication skills?
Helping is delivered through conversation. Helpful conversation requires good communication skills. People tend to see themselves as better communicators than they really are. Real helping is a dialogue in which both participants are active.
In The Helping Conversation you will learn how to engage in an effective dialogue which includes turn taking, connecting, mutual influencing, and co-creating outcomes.
Let’s take a look at the kind of communication skills you will need.
Dialogue
One-way conversations are out. In a dialogue the two of you together will co-create effective solutions to the problem situations being discussed.
Tuning In
Listening isn’t passive. It’s something you do. You tune in to the person you are trying to help, and you tune out of distractions. We are all acutely sensitive to the amount of attention being paid to what we say.
Listening in Order to Understand
We listen for a variety of reasons. The helper listens in order to understand the person being helped AND to help the persons being helped to understand themselves. Listening in order to understand means listening with an open mind, without prejudice. You need to be wary of jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about the person being helped.
The Importance of Empathy
For our purposes, being empathic means striving to understand the world from the other person’s point of view and checking out the accuracy of this understanding by communicating it to the other person. It is NOT the same as agreeing with him or her. And empathy is NOT sympathy. Then what is it? Find out! And find out quickly!
Invitations to Self-Challenge
What do we mean when we describe someone as “their own worst enemy?” We mean that we see things about them that are self-defeating, contributing to their problems, hindering their way forward. We’re also implying that they often don’t recognize these things about themselves. Like all of us, they have blind spots and get involved in unproductive thinking and counterproductive behavior. Don’t confront them. Rather INVITE them to see themselves more clearly, with a greater degree of self-honesty and self-awareness.
Use Questions, But Carefully and Sparingly
Questions can be useful tools in helping conversations if they are done right. Too many questions, one after the other, can make someone feel they’re being interrogated or on trial. Ask a question only if you know WHY you are asking it.
Discover the Value of Summarizing
Summarizing is a little-used conversational skill. Summarizing in a helping conversation is an art. At its most useful, summarizing is more than just paraphrasing. It’s a form of empathy with the same impact. Summarizing is about understanding.