The logic and stages of the helping process.

THE FUNDAMENTAL LOGIC OF MANAGING PROBLEMS 

 Consider the logic of this argument. 

  • If you don’t know what’s wrong with your life (problems) or what’s missing (unidentified/unused opportunities), then you can’t decide what changes you want.

  • If you don’t know what changes you want, you can’t set yourself a goal.

  • Without a goal or purpose, you can’t come up with strategies for change.

  • Without strategies for change, you can’t devise a plan. 

 And without a plan, it’s unlikely that anything will happen.

If that sounds rational to you, then you’ve taken the first step towards understanding the helping process.

The Four Key Questions

This commonsense reasoning leads to the four key questions at the heart of The Helping Conversation. Your purpose as an everyday helper is to encourage the person being helped to ask and answer the following life-critical questions.

 

1

What problems and issues do I need to face up to?

 
 

2

What do I need or want instead of what I have now?

 

3

What do I have to do to get what I need/want?

 

4

How do I make all of this happen?

 

If all of this seems straightforward — and even obvious — that’s because it is. It’s as old as Aristotle. It’s in our bones. This organized approach to managing problems and developing unused opportunities makes sense to everyone because it’s natural. It’s what we need to do logically when faced with any issue. 

When this basic helping process is presented to people, a common response is, “This isn’t new. I already know it. It makes sense.” What they should be saying, however, is: “Yes, I realize this makes sense, but to be honest, I don’t apply it much in my own life.” 

Hopefully, studying The Helping Conversation will change this. Helping will become part of your approach to life. You’ll apply your helping skills to your own problems and unused opportunities as well as using them to help others.

The Stages and Steps of the Helping Process

Each of the stages of the process (A, B, and C) involves a set of questions for the Other Person to ask themselves. Your job is to help them discuss and answer these life-critical questions.

 
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Stage A

What’s wrong with my life? What problems or unused opportunities are bothering me?     

  • Helping Conversation 1. What’s my story? What’s going on?

  • Helping Conversation 2. What’s my real story? What am I overlooking?

  • Helping Conversation 3. What’s my right story? What should I work on?

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Stage B

What do I need or want instead of what I have now?

  • Helping Conversation 4. What are some possibilities for a better future?

  • Helping Conversation 5. How do I use realistic incentives to choose possibilities that are right for me?

  • Helping Conversation 6. How do I turn possibilities into a realistic agenda for change?

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Stage C

What do I have to do to get what I need/want?

  • Helping Conversation 7. What are some possible routes to this outcome?  

  • Helping Conversation 8. Which routes fit me best?

  • Helping Conversation 9. How do I turn these routes into an action plan?